Finding Our Way Back…(part 2)

(Part 2) Healing the divides – how do we find each other again?

I want to continue the theme of finding our way back to each other. By exploring how can we heal the divides we see in our society … how do we find a way to help us come from such polarised positions? In our podcast(Hope in a Mad World) Raoul explains that one of the things that inspired us to talk about this issue was Brene Brown asking the question in the context of the aftermath of the feminism movement ~ as to how men and women could find a way back to one another.

 It got us thinking about how divided and polarised the world is now in so many different contexts and arenas, and how can we help heal these divides and find each other again. Not in the sense of a way back to how it was but rather find a way back to living a new way that was not adversarial and thinking of the other as wrong or bigoted or lesser than the other. A way back that acknowledged, respected and honoured the other. A way to live with respect, vulnerability, harmony, and honesty. A way back that wanted and worked for real justice and not revenge. A way back that looked for and valued equality in the context of diversity where people are treated with appreciation, esteem, deference and dignity.

 So, what might help. In my last Blog I looked at the place and power and story or narrative and how that can help us find perspective. But this week I have been mulling over what else might help?

I came to the conclusion that it would take an intentional and wilful decision to change things. People would have to decide to want to find each other and be willing to have a change of mindset. Often I think that we work from the mindset of right and wrong. A win lose scenario. One of us wins and one of us looses. What would happen if we chose to have a mindset that is determined to find the way that brings life? To try to seek out what brings life in this situation and that both of us might be right in our context or to concede someone else who I don’t normally agree with has a good idea or a valid point or that we can disagree and still respect each other, we don’t have to vilify and demonise each other.

So, let’s consider some what if’s?

What if the Conservatives and Labour or the Republicans and Democrats or all reasonable people in our country or countries sat down and really listened to each other?

 What if the Conservatives and Labour or the Republicans and Democrats or all reasonable people in our country or countries sat down and listened to each other patiently?

What if the Conservatives and Labour or the Republicans and Democrats or all reasonable people in our country or countries sat down and listened to hear and understand rather than listen to answer or make a point?

What if we worked at finding our common ground, common values, common sense, and celebrating our commonalities?

What if we decided to value and validate our differences as precious gifts, learning opportunities, counterbalances, fresh potential insights, illustrations of each person’s or groups uniqueness and unique contribution?  

What if we decided to take some deep breaths calm down, look into each other’s eyes and acknowledge and then say: “You matter!”  “You’re important!” “I’m glad to be with you!” 

What if we decided to listen, to find within us the capacity to stay relationally and emotionally connected to the one whose ideas differ from ours? To receive others convictions with curiosity, warmth and appreciation not because we agree or are persuaded but because we value people and our common humanity?

What if we shared our heartaches and hurts and were met with validation and empathy?

What if we felt able to share with each other our dreams and feel heard?

What might happen if we did these or even some of these things?

I think all of us would benefit and find it helpful if we could help dial down the fear, the anger, the divisiveness, the character-bashing, the motive-impugning, the hate-promoting language and actions

 What if we all decided to help this start happening in small ways all over the place, 2’s and 3’s, online, on Zoom, and we all decide to humbly stop and listen to one another?  Maybe even playing back to each other what we are hearing, to make sure we are getting each other? 

Yes, we might still disagree with each other, in fact I’m sure we would, but that doesn’t mean we can’t love each other or respect each other. We all need to learn. We all need to mature. We all need to grow in character.

 The thing is change starts with us and our attitudes and actions.

Maybe this is THE MOMENT. Maybe this could be the point in our history when we can choose to  move toward each other. To be courageous by taking a stand for humanity. To be courageously open, not just to your own feelings, thoughts, ideas and beliefs but to be courageously open to other peoples. To courageously embrace diversity, difference and uniqueness. To have hope and humility, welcoming each other’s unique contributions.

 Anybody interested in starting A REVOLUTION? A revolution to be patient, kind, and generous, a revolution to have real tolerance for others without having to agree with them, a revolution to bear with the people you don’t necessarily agree with or even like, a revolution to be good and be a peacemaker, a revolution to not demand our rights but to be self-controlled and look for the good of all.

Anybody want to sign up?

NB. I am indebted to a dear friend John Hervey for a facebook post that started my ruminating on this theme of ‘what if’s’. However, i take full responsibility for how this developed in my thinking!!!